Boobs….. the journey within the journey
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I have always had a love/hate relationship with my boobs.
It was my sixth grade teacher who told my mom I needed to wear a bra because the boys kept looking down my shirt. My mother was not buxom. My first bra was one of hers. I do not recall being excited at the prospect or wanting to wear a bra. Looking back over the 40 years since, I don’t remember ever wearing a bra I thought was truly comfortable.
By 18, I was a 36C. The boys were still keenly interested. I felt like my boobs were one of my best features. The “girls” got me out of speeding tickets, got me free drinks & smokes & into all other kinds of fun trouble. My boobs were still young, & I decided bras were optional & for the most part those options were cute & flowery & lacy & still fucking uncomfortable.
By 24, after the birth of our first child & a successful year of breast-feeding, I had grown to a 38D. Gone were the days of optional bras. Gone were the days of spaghetti straps & demi cups. Now it was full coverage with 1 to 2 inch thick shoulder straps to hoist the girls. Don’t even get me started about boob sweat. IYKYK 🤣
By 27, after the birth of our second child & a less than successful & particularly painful six months of breast-feeding, I topped out at 40DD. During that six months, my boobs were so engorged I could barely see my feet 🦶 Breastmilk would literally shoot out of my boobs or I would let down all over whatever I was wearing if I was bra-less or without absorbent boob pads. That unfortunately was the least of my problems. My son had trouble latching on. The force with which my milk came in required my son to eat at lightning speed ⛈️ which meant projectile vomiting came soon after each meal. I wanted to breast-feed for a year or more for my son’s health, but the final straw would be two consecutive bouts of intense mastitis, that no number of cabbage 🥬 halves could cure.
The “girls” were angry. 😡 They were hard & red & inflamed. It took two rounds of 10 day antibiotics to reduce my fever & quell the infection. That was the end of breast-feeding.
Over the next two decades, my boobs would fluctuate between a 38D & a 40DD along with my weight. These bra sizes are not cute. They are expensive, expansive & uncomfortable, truly every definition of tit-slings or over the shoulder boulder holders 🪨 I would also become a regular at the chiropractor’s office & never wear a button down shirt again.
Fast forward, 20 years & many routine mammograms. “They” say mastitis & underwires do not cause or contribute to breast cancer, so we will continue to let “them” believe that all that comes next is purely coincidental.
During one of those routine mammograms, a couple of small spots were found in my right breast just under my lymph nodes. Further scans & a biopsy, concluded they were benign fibroid adenomas. Over the next two years, I would have four diagnostic mammograms in six month intervals. Nada, nothing to report, all clear. That was late 2021.
2022 came in with a bang & lots of big plans. I had a hysterectomy in March (kept my ovaries.) We sold our house 🏡 in April & hit the road in May 🛻 We were back in Colorado Springs late August to September. Woulda, coulda, shoulda caught up on my annual mammogram. It didn’t even cross my mind. That of course, is a whole ‘nother blog about everything I would have done differently if I had to do it all over again.
After six months in Mexico, hooking up with the pet/housesitting lifestyle, a trip to Costa Rica & two months in Pagosa, we were finally back to Colorado Springs in June 2023. We were only there a quick week on the way to the next thing. I had the foresight to make a doctor’s appointment with my primary care physician, thinking all along, I was well on top of my healthcare 🩺
There is another topic for discussion, healthcare & HIPAA in the age of remote work & the digital nomad…. why can’t I get a freakin virtual appt!?
All in all, a good report, nothing of great concern, although it had been a year & a half since my last boob squish. My doctor wrote the order, I called the imaging center directly, but alas, it would be weeks before they could see me & I wouldn’t be returning until the holidays 🎄 Surely it could wait a minute, the doctor had just done a breast exam & there appeared to be no immediate issues. So on we traveled 🛻 ✈️
We spent the next 2 1/2 months in the Pacific Northwest walking dogs, chasing mice, hiking & drinking wine 🍷 Nearly everything on this “life on the road” adventure had lived up to the hype. (minus of course, fraudulent Airbnb hosts & Mexican police.) 👮♀️
Sidebar: Many have asked along the way, “Why now? Why not wait until retirement, when Dave doesn’t have to suffer the drudgery of remote work?” A whole host of reasons, the timing of the housing market & simply the opportunity. But most importantly, because time waits for no man ⏰
In 2016 my mom retired, from a long & thankless career with the hopes & dreams of traveling the country with her husband & seeing all the things. That summer they borrowed RV Betty & hit the road for the Pacific Northwest. Hmm ironic 🤔 I’ve never made that connection until now. The following Thanksgiving, her husband, my stepfather of nearly 20 years passed away, suddenly & unexpectedly.
So why now, why not?
We said goodbye to the PNW & returned to Colorado, to Pagosa Springs. One sleepless night, that apparently are quite common for women of my age & life stage. Don’t ask me why, but I thought, maybe I should do a self breast exam. Bizarre I know, but that’s when I seem to do them not in the shower per the placard 🧖♀️
There it was, something concerning. I kept it to myself for the next couple of weeks, with the exception of messaging my doctor 🩺 to prepare orders to be sent to an Albuquerque Imaging Center 🩻 The first available appointment to ensure all of the hoop jumping would be two days after balloon fiesta & four days before we left for a month in Mexico 🇲🇽
I can’t recommend the folks at High Resolution in Albuquerque enough. They were nothing if not efficient & compassionate. Within a couple of hours, my DD’s had been smashed between two glass plates half a dozen times or so. I had had an ultrasound & then waited to talk to the radiologist. The doctor came in on crutches & sat down before me to discuss a more than likely cancer diagnosis.
This is how ridiculous I am, as he spoke about how this lump was different from my previous spots a couple of years ago, all I could think to myself was, “this guy only has one leg!”🦵 Perhaps it was that distraction from the shock of the news to come, of what I already knew, that allowed me to be my levelheaded self & weigh the options. Thankfully they fast tracked a biopsy for Friday afternoon, the day before we left for Mexico 🇲🇽
Long story longer, the doctor called on Monday, October 30 with the official diagnosis. Stage one, grade 2, invasive ductal carcinoma. The tumor was 2 cm, the top end of what they consider stage one. It was growing, but not aggressively hence grade 2. Invasive meant it had left the duct & infected the surrounding tissue, but was not currently in my lymph nodes as far as they could tell 🦠
Several people have said “oh, that is the best cancer to have!” 👍 I will have to take their word for it & pray I never have anything to compare it to.
The next month was about sharing the news with friends & family. It was also about trying to find the “right” doctor & literally begging for a virtual appointment because, damn it, I had plans & cancer had not been scheduled!
Once again, healthcare & HIPAA in the age of remote work & the digital nomad…. Wasn’t nearly EVERYTHING virtual just a couple years ago?
Needles to say, their lack of flexibility was compounded by my state of denial. I postponed my initial appointment three times in order to stay our current adventure course. I convinced myself, that for my mental health, I needed to go skiing ⛷️ Granted we hadn’t seen snow ❄️ in 2 years! I had so been looking forward to our time in Breckenridge. Was it the best decision, maybe not, but it is what we did…
What came next would the most trying time of my life ❤️🩹